Next to You...in Malibu.

There are too many vacation stories to tell and I have too little stamina to tell them all in one fell swoop, so....will do it in increments.
1) The Story of the Dueling Airport Security Systems
2) Andy
3) Hogwarts
4) Talking to my Dead Father at Will Roger's Beach
5) Next to You....in Malibu
6) Dinner With a Fellow Witch
7) Ventura Highway in the Sunshine

Going to Malibu beach after the mind bending experience at Will Roger's Beach was tiring, but wonderful. We had deliberately avoided the chaos of Santa Monica Beach or the other heavily populated beaches. We drove through Topanga. I heard that Jason Momoa and his wife, Lisa Bonet, lived there with their children. Wouldn't it have been great to see Aquaman? We didn't.

I had heard of all the fires in Malibu, but saw little places of scorching. Malibu is very large, however. I guess we got lucky.

We were lucky as the beach was nearly deserted, just as Will Roger's beach had been. I had little stamina. It was at the end of our vacation and most of my energy reserves were running on low. We knew that the wheelchair we had in the trunk of our rental car would be useless on that beautiful tan shifting sand. T pointed to some jagged rocks.

"Want to try for there," she asked. "Do you think you can walk there if you hold on to me?"

I thought I could. I did.

We sat on that rock for a long time. Watching those incredible waves. I thought about people who live on the ocean. How do they stand all that beauty all that time? Does one get used to it? How? We watched an Asian family walk along the beach, delighting in the wide open space. The littlest girl in the family spun around in giddy circles, blissfully happy.

It occurred to me that I was blissfully happy. There in that moment, I was so happy. Content. Filled with love for this incredible country that is mine. For the first time in a very long time, there was no room for fear in my heart. I wasn't thinking Look hard. This is the last time that you will see the ocean.  No. I was thinking, Look hard. This is a beautiful gift. Listen. Let it go. 

T and I embraced hard and stayed locked in each other's arms for a long time. I felt her falter a few times and gently rubbed her arm. Stop it, I thought. Come back to me. Right here. Right now. And she did.

We said very little. But every time we looked at each other, we were smiling or laughing. It was such a joyous thing, this ocean, this place in time.

We finally got here. We finally made it. And it is GLORIOUS.

I felt my body tiring. It was late afternoon and I was exhausted. I had done very little, but to be honest, it takes very little these days to knock me to my knees. We decided to stop at some little cafe in Malibu for an old person's dinner (4:00) and then go back to the hotel so that I could tuck in for the night.

Getting back to the car took some effort. We had to stop at a rock at the top and clean our feet free from the sand. Or rather, I sat on a rock, too tired to bend down, and watched as T first cleaned my feet and then hers.

Finally, in the car, T looked over at me.

"I can't remember a time when you have looked so happy," she said. "I think that California has claimed you as her own."

I thought so, too. All this blue was so good for this battered up soul of mine. The weather enough was intoxicating. I felt as if a 100 pound gorilla was off my back. I had claimed back my soul. I could not control others or what they thought, or felt comfortable doing.  I could control me. I could be at peace. I felt like the unpopular girl who had felt ostracized from that lunch table and suddenly realized that....for Pete sakes....I truly liked sitting at that table on the other side, over there, by the sun after all this time. Alone with a good book. Or...with others who felt like old comfortable sweaters against my skin. I felt....almost.....light hearted.

We passed a few Malibu cafes but when we checked their menus on our apps, we were astonished at the high prices. The prairie people that we are were just unable to pay 26$ for a hamburger. We decided to try the sushi and taco places on the other side of Malibu and found a perfect place. I did try to talk T into venturing into Topanga to see if Aquaman was out and about dining early. She talked me out of it.

We got back to the hotel and I took a shower and collapsed while T walked up to Universal City to walk the boardwalk. We would leave the next day.

I would duck my head and silently cry as the plane rose into the sky, back to the icy prairie.