This Is Why You Miss Seeing The Full Blood Wolf Moon
We did small rituals. At 8;00 p.m. We went outside and loaded up the fae cup in our Hawthorne tree with moonshine. Gave them a gift I had made of three beautiful rocks bound together. The tree has several small hidey holes in it. One sports the moonshine cup. Another holds a series of bright little trinkets. And still another goes way down about a foot. I drop pretty stones in there. Usually I do this in the Summer, but this time, I had T drop them in as the base of the tree was slippery with ice.
I had been working on a gratitude spell, but it just wasn't ready. Since I've been ill, my spells aren't taking root. Nothing is, really. I tried to make soap and lotion and was only able to make a very small batch and that was not without an all day workout which should only have taken an hour or two. I finally have a wand that I like a lot, and I have succeeded in making it a part of my hand for spells, but that is about it. I no longer have the concentration to push the spells out and when I do, they are weak and ineffectual. I've practiced white magic for years. I don't talk about it much, except to those who understand. Most people are incredibly ignorant about magic. They see it as Satan's handiwork or trying to play God. Actually, there is black magic, but I don't hold with those who would use it. White magic is simply taking power from nature and using it only for good. In fact, that is the first tenet of practicing white magic: you can only use it for good or to help others. I had lovely success with it for many years. But once I got cancer, something shifted inside of me and I was no longer able to practice successfully, so I stopped. No one noticed, really, especially not my family, who either had no idea that I practiced or if they did, found it either alarming or something to mock. I was fine without it. I did miss it. I missed quietly helping people. Small unknown gifts.
With this blood moon, I wanted to do something, though. I picked up my wand again and again and practiced.
Nothing.
I could get the wand to adhere to my hand; that part was easy. I could not get a spell to go through it. Before the wand, I always used candles and I tried that.
Still nothing. I sighed. And then, I saw a simple gratitude chant and figured that I could do that. My plan was to have T sweep the ground with the feather instead of myself while I chanted.
Couldn't hurt. Might help.
At 8:00, the moon was a simple pretty orb. We brought the fae their moonshine. Placed the rocks in the hidey hole. T swept the feather gently against the ground while I said my chant into the freezing air.
It felt like it took, but...I just don't know.
We went back inside and sat down and watched True Detective. It went off at 9:00 and I was so tired that I could barely stand. I wanted to stay up and see this incredible moon, but my body was not willing. If we peered out the guest room bedroom window, we could see it. It was still just a pretty white orb. T suggested that we set the alarm for midnight when the moon would be the brightest and directly over our house, then go outside and stand in the driveway and see if we could see it or even take the car to look. It was cloudy, but you could still see it.
I set my alarm for 12:12 and we went to bed.
I awakened at 12:02. Shut off the alarm. Got up and tried mightily to see it. Of course not. It could not be seen from any of our windows. I contemplated putting on my socks and shoes, coat and hat. Maybe getting in the car.
It was 3 degrees outside. I was shivering uncontrollably just standing in my nightgown, swaying with the terrible fatigue that only cancer fighters know.
I was just so fucking tired. I went to T and shook her.
"If you want to see the moon, get up. I think I'll have to pass. I just....I just can't do this. I am too tired.
I felt T awaken. She took my hand. "I think the moon understands. Come back to bed. Let's sleep."
And so I did.
I am sorry that I missed your one-of-a-kind-beauty, moon. I am very doubtful that I will be around for the next one, but you never know.
Never say never and all that bullshit.
My soul was willing even if my body was not. I think T was right.
The moon understands.
I had been working on a gratitude spell, but it just wasn't ready. Since I've been ill, my spells aren't taking root. Nothing is, really. I tried to make soap and lotion and was only able to make a very small batch and that was not without an all day workout which should only have taken an hour or two. I finally have a wand that I like a lot, and I have succeeded in making it a part of my hand for spells, but that is about it. I no longer have the concentration to push the spells out and when I do, they are weak and ineffectual. I've practiced white magic for years. I don't talk about it much, except to those who understand. Most people are incredibly ignorant about magic. They see it as Satan's handiwork or trying to play God. Actually, there is black magic, but I don't hold with those who would use it. White magic is simply taking power from nature and using it only for good. In fact, that is the first tenet of practicing white magic: you can only use it for good or to help others. I had lovely success with it for many years. But once I got cancer, something shifted inside of me and I was no longer able to practice successfully, so I stopped. No one noticed, really, especially not my family, who either had no idea that I practiced or if they did, found it either alarming or something to mock. I was fine without it. I did miss it. I missed quietly helping people. Small unknown gifts.
With this blood moon, I wanted to do something, though. I picked up my wand again and again and practiced.
Nothing.
I could get the wand to adhere to my hand; that part was easy. I could not get a spell to go through it. Before the wand, I always used candles and I tried that.
Still nothing. I sighed. And then, I saw a simple gratitude chant and figured that I could do that. My plan was to have T sweep the ground with the feather instead of myself while I chanted.
Couldn't hurt. Might help.
At 8:00, the moon was a simple pretty orb. We brought the fae their moonshine. Placed the rocks in the hidey hole. T swept the feather gently against the ground while I said my chant into the freezing air.
It felt like it took, but...I just don't know.
We went back inside and sat down and watched True Detective. It went off at 9:00 and I was so tired that I could barely stand. I wanted to stay up and see this incredible moon, but my body was not willing. If we peered out the guest room bedroom window, we could see it. It was still just a pretty white orb. T suggested that we set the alarm for midnight when the moon would be the brightest and directly over our house, then go outside and stand in the driveway and see if we could see it or even take the car to look. It was cloudy, but you could still see it.
I set my alarm for 12:12 and we went to bed.
I awakened at 12:02. Shut off the alarm. Got up and tried mightily to see it. Of course not. It could not be seen from any of our windows. I contemplated putting on my socks and shoes, coat and hat. Maybe getting in the car.
It was 3 degrees outside. I was shivering uncontrollably just standing in my nightgown, swaying with the terrible fatigue that only cancer fighters know.
I was just so fucking tired. I went to T and shook her.
"If you want to see the moon, get up. I think I'll have to pass. I just....I just can't do this. I am too tired.
I felt T awaken. She took my hand. "I think the moon understands. Come back to bed. Let's sleep."
And so I did.
I am sorry that I missed your one-of-a-kind-beauty, moon. I am very doubtful that I will be around for the next one, but you never know.
Never say never and all that bullshit.
My soul was willing even if my body was not. I think T was right.
The moon understands.
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