Think For Yourself

If you ask me what is the most important lesson that you can teach a child, I will not hesitate. 

Think for yourself. 

It was a lesson that I did not really learn until I was in college. I grew up in a very religious, very loving home. But, we were not encouraged to think too far outside of the box, especially anything concerning religion. 

I remember my first step towards self thought. I was beginning my sophomore year of college. We did not have internet then....yes it was the dark ages. At my college, you had to go to a certain building during something called Sign Up week. There, you stood in line depending on your last name's initial. Then, you held out a paper with your wanted classes on it and handed it to some lady at a desk. She had a computer. She would check to see if there was room in the class for you. If there was, your name was added to the list. If not, you needed to have back up classes.

This process sometimes took all day if you were lazy like me and didn't get there early. I would saunter in around noon and the lines would curl around the student union. Just getting to the front of the line took hours. 

So, there I was standing in line. There was a television on in the room, turned to a news station. A story came on about a man named Ernie Chambers, a representative of North Omaha's 11th District in Nebraska. Now, I was raised by a father who was very against racism. In our home, the word nigger was considered pure slime, something that only very ignorant people said. After he died, my mother remarried and my step father, a man from a small town, felt differently. I don't remember him ever ranting in racist slurs, but I have clear recall of sitting at a kitchen table and he and my mother talking about a black couple who had driven through town. My stepfather commented that he didn't want niggers thinking that they could settle in our town. 

I was stunned. It was the first time that I heard that word said with such casual insouciance. I stared openmouthed at my mother, who was calmly cutting her meat, nodding. Agreeing. I was baffled. We never spoke of this. In our house, conflict was avoided at all costs. Over the years, as Ernie Chambers had become more and more vocal in Nebraska politics, he often was a subject at the dinner table. A subject of ridicule. An upstart. A rabble rouser. An uppity black man. My older sister married and her husband was even more vocal about his racist views. I soaked it all up like a good sponge. 

And then, there I was, waiting in line to sign up for classes and there he was, that wicked Ernie Chambers on the television. I looked at the girl behind me and casually rolled my eyes. 

"There he goes again," I said loftily. "Ernie Chambers is such a dumb ass." 

I think I thought that I was being worldly or something. To her credit, she smiled nicely at me and then answered, "Have you listened to some of his views, his speeches? I think he has some relevant things to say." 

I had been very kindly, very diplomatically put in my place. No. I had not listened to any of his views or speeches. I was simply going on what the older members of my family had taught me. 

I didn't answer, just blushed and turned around. But, I decided on that day that I would do some research on Ernie Chambers. 

And I did. I discovered that not only was he right about many things, but that he had behaved with incredible bravery in very adverse situations. For the first time in my life, I looked at my family with new eyes. 

They were wrong about some things. 

I never looked back. I have since followed my own counsel on everything. I have made some glaring mistakes. I have changed my mind on a few things. But, mostly....I believe that I have become the sort of person that my father would be proud to call his daughter. My family and I still knock heads about many things, mainly Donald Trump. And I have not yet achieved the diplomacy of the girl who set me on my path to thinking for myself. I tend to lead with my chin instead of my heart. 

I get better as I age. And I do my homework. Always. I do not give uneducated opinions. If you debate me, you know that I come prepared, so be ready. If you want to make fun of....say....Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez? Fine. I disagree with some of her ideas and opinions. But, I also strongly agree with some of them, too. Let's debate. But, don't you dare come to the table unprepared. I may be in the mood to be diplomatic and let that go. Or maybe not. So, don't chance it. 

And maybe you can school me. Maybe there is something that you can teach me. It has happened on more than one occasion. As long as you are not spouting words with the sole purpose of hurting someone, I will listen. But if you are just showing off, take it somewhere else. Or be prepared to be called out. And if I do call you out, act like a grown up. Maybe let me school you. 

I really believe that we are all entitled to our opinions. Our educated opinions. 

Have at it. Let's go.