May Day
Not feeling it. May Day is a significant day for me, usually. It is the day when I walk outside, planning my garden. I figure out what I am going to plant and where.
Today, I am lucky to be out of bed. I felt out of sorts this weekend, just tired and so achy. Felt like I had to pee every five minutes and then would just.....dribble. I reluctantly called my oncologist and she told me to come in for blood work and a urine specimen. I trudged in, gave blood and pee. Went home. Waited. I spent the next day in bed, too sick to get up. Everything hurt. I did drag myself to the bathroom every half hour to throw up and try to pee.
This morning, my oncologist called with the news. A kidney infection. So...antibiotics.
Most cancer fighters will tell you that the one word that terrifies them more than most is: infection. It is what we are constantly warned NOT to get. So, you do everything right. You don't shake hands, don't go to crowded places. You try to be careful.
And then it happens anyway. Infections can do real damage, mostly because you have no real working immune system to fight them off. Plus, they screw around with your platelets, white blood cells, and all kinds of other things that can get you taken off of your cancer medication. No one wants that.
Plus. it sucks to have cancer and to be sick, too. I mean, Jesus Knits. Pick one or the other, but not both. It is hard enough to deal with cancer, but to deal with any sort of infection sucks, too. Doing day to day chores is always hard. Now, it is harder. You feel like a baby for wanting to cry, but good hell, this is so not fair.
So, you sulk and then get up and get the antibiotics going. Hope that they work. Try not to think about what will happen if they don't work. Go out and get a coffee. See the check engine light come on in your car panel. Shake your head. Fine. Just fine. Fuck you, car.
I can't think about putting in my garden. Everything is on hold. Plus, it is only 47 degrees outside. Spring has been limping in instead of doing what she usually does on the prairie: leap in and STAY in.
I am setting my sights on next week. Temps in the 70's. Maybe the kidney infection will be better. Maybe the check engine light will get fixed.
Spring supposedly brings hope.
I stand, arms crossed, looking outside.
Whenever you're ready.......
Today, I am lucky to be out of bed. I felt out of sorts this weekend, just tired and so achy. Felt like I had to pee every five minutes and then would just.....dribble. I reluctantly called my oncologist and she told me to come in for blood work and a urine specimen. I trudged in, gave blood and pee. Went home. Waited. I spent the next day in bed, too sick to get up. Everything hurt. I did drag myself to the bathroom every half hour to throw up and try to pee.
This morning, my oncologist called with the news. A kidney infection. So...antibiotics.
Most cancer fighters will tell you that the one word that terrifies them more than most is: infection. It is what we are constantly warned NOT to get. So, you do everything right. You don't shake hands, don't go to crowded places. You try to be careful.
And then it happens anyway. Infections can do real damage, mostly because you have no real working immune system to fight them off. Plus, they screw around with your platelets, white blood cells, and all kinds of other things that can get you taken off of your cancer medication. No one wants that.
Plus. it sucks to have cancer and to be sick, too. I mean, Jesus Knits. Pick one or the other, but not both. It is hard enough to deal with cancer, but to deal with any sort of infection sucks, too. Doing day to day chores is always hard. Now, it is harder. You feel like a baby for wanting to cry, but good hell, this is so not fair.
So, you sulk and then get up and get the antibiotics going. Hope that they work. Try not to think about what will happen if they don't work. Go out and get a coffee. See the check engine light come on in your car panel. Shake your head. Fine. Just fine. Fuck you, car.
I can't think about putting in my garden. Everything is on hold. Plus, it is only 47 degrees outside. Spring has been limping in instead of doing what she usually does on the prairie: leap in and STAY in.
I am setting my sights on next week. Temps in the 70's. Maybe the kidney infection will be better. Maybe the check engine light will get fixed.
Spring supposedly brings hope.
I stand, arms crossed, looking outside.
Whenever you're ready.......
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