When Everything Goes Wrong
You just get back up.
I went against doctor's suggestion and went to a 4th of July party. The next day, I woke up very ill. No, it wasn't a hangover. I had only had water to drink. Had half of a well cooked hamburger.
But, the party was packed. I must've caught something. We are leaving for vacation tomorrow. So, I went in to see my oncologist.
Told her that I felt as if I had to pee ALL THE TIME and when I went in to pee? A few dribbles. I was also majorly sick to my stomach.
First question: Have you been to any large public places this week?
I sheepishly admitted that I had attended a 4th of July family gathering. My oncologist looked at me as if I had told her that I had just went into a leper colony and licked everyone's dishes.
"Mrs. L, I believe we spoke about not exposing yourself to large groups of people."
Yes, Dr. We did. But, you know....I'm human. And I wanted to feel human for a day. What is life if I don't live it? If I spend all of my time shut away from people? I took a risk.
She sighed. Explained that my white blood cells were sparse and that I could not fight off viruses. Now, it looked as if I had picked up something.
I just looked down at my feet. Because she doesn't really get it. She doesn't know how badly I want to get out in the world like a normal person.
I peed in a cup. They quick results were that yes, there was bacteria in my urine. It would have to sit for 48 hours to see exactly what kind of bacteria was in there. In the meantime, it was obvious that I also had some sort of stomach bug, too. So, they would give me some antibiotics and if it looked like I needed another kind, I would be called in California and get some different meds sent in to a pharmacy there. In the meantime, I was to spend the next two days resting and then I could get on that plane. I used to kind of enjoy the word resting. Now, I detest it.
I went home. I felt stupid. I had taken a chance. But, then...my chin jutted out.
LISTEN, DOC....It was worth it. I had such a nice time at this party. I held babies. It was T's family, so I wasn't surrounded by a Trump clan. I had some really funny, interesting conversations. I met a few new people. Caught up with some relatives that I only see at weddings, funerals or holiday parties. Pet two dogs. Had a tiny puppy decide that she loved me more than anyone else at the party and kept sitting on my foot, looking up adoringly at me when I pet her. For once, I wasn't sitting at home watching the world go by. I was PART of it. I don't regret it. I DO wish that I could have avoided this illness because it is not fun to be sick on an airplane, but I do NOT regret it.
Sorry. Not sorry. I told myself when I was diagnosed that I was going to live my life until I had no quality of life and then I would let go. I still feel that way.
Of course, when I got home, what ALWAYS happens when we go on vacation, happened.
The toilet broke.
The handle on the freezer fell off.
The outside sprinkler head broke and our yard guy is on vacation until July 20.
It is like our house realizes that we are leaving and wants us to stay. Luckily, T was able to fix the toilet.
The handle on the freezer is not fun, but it can wait until we get back.
The outside sprinkler means that we will have to turn the automatic sprinkler off until we get home, otherwise the area in the front of our yard's water will shoot straight up into the air without T to manually bypass it. Hopefully, we will get some rain.
We will pack and make our getaway. I plan to go completely black on social media. T's sister will housesit until she goes back to Chicago in a few days and then our neighbor Tom will keep an eye on our house.
I remembered to stop the mail.
I may be a little shakey on my feet, but it is my hope that the sea will help me. It always has before.
Here is to good antibiotics, good rain, and ocean breezes....
I went against doctor's suggestion and went to a 4th of July party. The next day, I woke up very ill. No, it wasn't a hangover. I had only had water to drink. Had half of a well cooked hamburger.
But, the party was packed. I must've caught something. We are leaving for vacation tomorrow. So, I went in to see my oncologist.
Told her that I felt as if I had to pee ALL THE TIME and when I went in to pee? A few dribbles. I was also majorly sick to my stomach.
First question: Have you been to any large public places this week?
I sheepishly admitted that I had attended a 4th of July family gathering. My oncologist looked at me as if I had told her that I had just went into a leper colony and licked everyone's dishes.
"Mrs. L, I believe we spoke about not exposing yourself to large groups of people."
Yes, Dr. We did. But, you know....I'm human. And I wanted to feel human for a day. What is life if I don't live it? If I spend all of my time shut away from people? I took a risk.
She sighed. Explained that my white blood cells were sparse and that I could not fight off viruses. Now, it looked as if I had picked up something.
I just looked down at my feet. Because she doesn't really get it. She doesn't know how badly I want to get out in the world like a normal person.
I peed in a cup. They quick results were that yes, there was bacteria in my urine. It would have to sit for 48 hours to see exactly what kind of bacteria was in there. In the meantime, it was obvious that I also had some sort of stomach bug, too. So, they would give me some antibiotics and if it looked like I needed another kind, I would be called in California and get some different meds sent in to a pharmacy there. In the meantime, I was to spend the next two days resting and then I could get on that plane. I used to kind of enjoy the word resting. Now, I detest it.
I went home. I felt stupid. I had taken a chance. But, then...my chin jutted out.
LISTEN, DOC....It was worth it. I had such a nice time at this party. I held babies. It was T's family, so I wasn't surrounded by a Trump clan. I had some really funny, interesting conversations. I met a few new people. Caught up with some relatives that I only see at weddings, funerals or holiday parties. Pet two dogs. Had a tiny puppy decide that she loved me more than anyone else at the party and kept sitting on my foot, looking up adoringly at me when I pet her. For once, I wasn't sitting at home watching the world go by. I was PART of it. I don't regret it. I DO wish that I could have avoided this illness because it is not fun to be sick on an airplane, but I do NOT regret it.
Sorry. Not sorry. I told myself when I was diagnosed that I was going to live my life until I had no quality of life and then I would let go. I still feel that way.
Of course, when I got home, what ALWAYS happens when we go on vacation, happened.
The toilet broke.
The handle on the freezer fell off.
The outside sprinkler head broke and our yard guy is on vacation until July 20.
It is like our house realizes that we are leaving and wants us to stay. Luckily, T was able to fix the toilet.
The handle on the freezer is not fun, but it can wait until we get back.
The outside sprinkler means that we will have to turn the automatic sprinkler off until we get home, otherwise the area in the front of our yard's water will shoot straight up into the air without T to manually bypass it. Hopefully, we will get some rain.
We will pack and make our getaway. I plan to go completely black on social media. T's sister will housesit until she goes back to Chicago in a few days and then our neighbor Tom will keep an eye on our house.
I remembered to stop the mail.
I may be a little shakey on my feet, but it is my hope that the sea will help me. It always has before.
Here is to good antibiotics, good rain, and ocean breezes....
ReplyDeleteTraveling mercies, M.