Not everyone is going to like you
My mother told me this once.
My mother and I were not close. I've never understood why exactly. I have three sisters and all of them adored my mother and saw her as something close to an angel on earth. What was I missing? I have always thought that my mother was a very good person. I believe that she tried to do the right thing. As she saw it.
And therein lies the rub. She and I saw the glass very differently.
Yet, when I started junior high and told her that none of the popular girls seemed to like me, she said, "Not everyone is going to like you. Best to just accept that right now."
It was one of the best pieces of advice that anyone has ever given me.
Because I realize that the person that other people see is not always the person who I am. It is either someone whom they need to see, maybe someone that they have been preconceived to see, or they just don't like me.
It has taken me a long time to be okay with that. And even harder, it has taken me a long time to realize that it is okay if I don't really like someone either. It is even okay if I don't like family members. It is NOT okay to be rude, but it is perfectly okay to think that they are ignorant, close minded or mean spirited.
It cuts both ways.
I've always been attracted to those who have open minds. I am not impressed by deep religiosity. I find pious people to be boring. Zealots, especially rain on my last nerve. I AM impressed by those who are devoted to a cause, but keep an eye open for any loopholes.
I have always been my own person and sometimes have paid the price. Sometimes, because it is easier, I think, I have been portrayed by others as sort of whacky and blatantly hipsterish. I'm neither. In fact, I am far more inclined to listen to my practical side than to my creative one. Taking risks is hard for me and I have to push myself hard to make those leaps. Yet, I am always very happy with the results. Even when things don't work out so well, they FEEL right. And that has made all the difference.
I have a short list of friends. I call them my tribe. They number less than ten. But, we are solid and I trust them completely. One is a true Catholic. Another an atheist. One is a Muslim, another a transgender. We are diverse but we fit like a perfect puzzle. And it isn't a whacky puzzle either. It is a lovely synchronicity. We are safe in each other's hands.
And I realize that this is why I can never be close to some people. I don't really feel safe with them. I may enjoy their company and, in general, like the way they think....but in a pinch....I feel in my gut that they would never truly understand or get me. Or want to.
I have my mother to thank for this reckoning.
Not everyone is going to like you.
My mother and I were not close. I've never understood why exactly. I have three sisters and all of them adored my mother and saw her as something close to an angel on earth. What was I missing? I have always thought that my mother was a very good person. I believe that she tried to do the right thing. As she saw it.
And therein lies the rub. She and I saw the glass very differently.
Yet, when I started junior high and told her that none of the popular girls seemed to like me, she said, "Not everyone is going to like you. Best to just accept that right now."
It was one of the best pieces of advice that anyone has ever given me.
Because I realize that the person that other people see is not always the person who I am. It is either someone whom they need to see, maybe someone that they have been preconceived to see, or they just don't like me.
It has taken me a long time to be okay with that. And even harder, it has taken me a long time to realize that it is okay if I don't really like someone either. It is even okay if I don't like family members. It is NOT okay to be rude, but it is perfectly okay to think that they are ignorant, close minded or mean spirited.
It cuts both ways.
I've always been attracted to those who have open minds. I am not impressed by deep religiosity. I find pious people to be boring. Zealots, especially rain on my last nerve. I AM impressed by those who are devoted to a cause, but keep an eye open for any loopholes.
I have always been my own person and sometimes have paid the price. Sometimes, because it is easier, I think, I have been portrayed by others as sort of whacky and blatantly hipsterish. I'm neither. In fact, I am far more inclined to listen to my practical side than to my creative one. Taking risks is hard for me and I have to push myself hard to make those leaps. Yet, I am always very happy with the results. Even when things don't work out so well, they FEEL right. And that has made all the difference.
I have a short list of friends. I call them my tribe. They number less than ten. But, we are solid and I trust them completely. One is a true Catholic. Another an atheist. One is a Muslim, another a transgender. We are diverse but we fit like a perfect puzzle. And it isn't a whacky puzzle either. It is a lovely synchronicity. We are safe in each other's hands.
And I realize that this is why I can never be close to some people. I don't really feel safe with them. I may enjoy their company and, in general, like the way they think....but in a pinch....I feel in my gut that they would never truly understand or get me. Or want to.
I have my mother to thank for this reckoning.
Not everyone is going to like you.
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