The Comfort of Soft Sheets
I have grown fond of small things. I am learning to take comfort in the little things that pass us over. The small amenities that give us something to hold on to on this walk.
I woke up in the middle of the night last night. I have been taking advantage of the fact that I only sleep for a few hours at a time now in between waking up. I get leg cramps. Fevers. Nightmares. My new chemo regimen causes my skin to feel as if ants are moving up and down right under it. I use this time to check my blood sugar since high blood sugar is a side effect of this chemo as well. So far, I have been lucky. No changes. But, it is only day 5. I get up. Pee. Rinse my mouth carefully with the mouthwash that is to prevent mouth sores. Rub my fingers ever so gently over the soles of my feet, already red and tender from the treatment.
Last night, when I awakened, I had just had a dream. A rather nice one. I was with a young Indian man. He looked rather like Raj from The Big Bang Theory. He and I were planning our wedding. He was joking that he was the first in his family to need to live by the sea. This was because of me. I was some sort of fish creature. I was mesmerized by the beautiful pink and blue scales on my arms. My cotton candy pink hair and dazzling emerald green eyes. I looked like a mermaid.
I was so pretty. And not one bit uncomfortable with my appearance. We lived somewhere where beings like me were accepted and loved, but unusual....thus my almost husband's newness with sea dwelling. It seemed that I needed to dip into the sea from time to time to refresh. I don't remember anything else about the dream, except that....for once, it seemed....I was in a very happy place. I was content. He and I were joking, seemed to enjoy each other's company.
It made waking up a gentle experience.
I am more used to being jarred awake by a nightmare or being uncomfortable. This was so much nicer.
After checking my blood sugar and getting a drink, rubbing some lotion into my feet, I went back to bed and lay naked on top of the covers. We are having a heat wave on the prairie, just like so many areas of the United States. It felt lovely to let the fan cool me.
I thought about things that bring me joy.
Cool drinks.
Shade.
A book.
The new season of Queer Eye.
The way we watched Mary Poppins Returns last night and held hands.
Good health insurance.
A spouse who would buy me a zebra if I asked for one.
Smart children.
Soft sheets.
So many times, T and I have to consciously remind ourselves NOT to watch the news before bed. It is all bad and Trump before bed is like drinking vinegar. Sour. Sickening.
The heat wave is supposed to break tomorrow night. I look forward to sitting outside with a glass of Tullamore Dew on the rocks and a soft Summery breeze to take some of the pain away.
There are good places, you just have to look.
I woke up in the middle of the night last night. I have been taking advantage of the fact that I only sleep for a few hours at a time now in between waking up. I get leg cramps. Fevers. Nightmares. My new chemo regimen causes my skin to feel as if ants are moving up and down right under it. I use this time to check my blood sugar since high blood sugar is a side effect of this chemo as well. So far, I have been lucky. No changes. But, it is only day 5. I get up. Pee. Rinse my mouth carefully with the mouthwash that is to prevent mouth sores. Rub my fingers ever so gently over the soles of my feet, already red and tender from the treatment.
Last night, when I awakened, I had just had a dream. A rather nice one. I was with a young Indian man. He looked rather like Raj from The Big Bang Theory. He and I were planning our wedding. He was joking that he was the first in his family to need to live by the sea. This was because of me. I was some sort of fish creature. I was mesmerized by the beautiful pink and blue scales on my arms. My cotton candy pink hair and dazzling emerald green eyes. I looked like a mermaid.
I was so pretty. And not one bit uncomfortable with my appearance. We lived somewhere where beings like me were accepted and loved, but unusual....thus my almost husband's newness with sea dwelling. It seemed that I needed to dip into the sea from time to time to refresh. I don't remember anything else about the dream, except that....for once, it seemed....I was in a very happy place. I was content. He and I were joking, seemed to enjoy each other's company.
It made waking up a gentle experience.
I am more used to being jarred awake by a nightmare or being uncomfortable. This was so much nicer.
After checking my blood sugar and getting a drink, rubbing some lotion into my feet, I went back to bed and lay naked on top of the covers. We are having a heat wave on the prairie, just like so many areas of the United States. It felt lovely to let the fan cool me.
I thought about things that bring me joy.
Cool drinks.
Shade.
A book.
The new season of Queer Eye.
The way we watched Mary Poppins Returns last night and held hands.
Good health insurance.
A spouse who would buy me a zebra if I asked for one.
Smart children.
Soft sheets.
So many times, T and I have to consciously remind ourselves NOT to watch the news before bed. It is all bad and Trump before bed is like drinking vinegar. Sour. Sickening.
The heat wave is supposed to break tomorrow night. I look forward to sitting outside with a glass of Tullamore Dew on the rocks and a soft Summery breeze to take some of the pain away.
There are good places, you just have to look.
Comments
Post a Comment