The best part of the day

Sunset. Or..near it. My days are shockingly bare these days. I sleep as much, or more, than a cat. I start to stir awake around 10 a.m. unless I have a doctor's appointment or labs. Getting dressed and eating breakfast is an excruciatingly long expanse of time. I spend my days in quietness. Reading. Watching old movies on television. Sitting outside with the birds. Unless I am in chemo or getting labs, Those days are different and....harder. So, let's skip them for now. Yet, time seems to go in a blur. I will look up and see that it is 2:30 and be astounded. I always make myself get in Cherry, my lovely new car and do some errand. Often, it is something easy, like getting coffee through the drive up at Starbucks or picking up vitamins at Walgreens. Stopping at the library to pick up books. Something small and easy. I tire at an astonishing rate. Once, I went to the library, picked up 2 books that were being held for me (my Pete Buttigieg book finally came in!) and was stopped by a neighbor who spotted me. We talked briefly about how our herb gardens were doing. She vowed to bring me some saffron to trade for my overabundance of chives this year. I walked back to my car and literally collapsed inside of it. I sat, trembling with fatigue, my head tipped back as I breathed slowly in and out. Exhausted. 

It takes so little these days to make me tired. I kid you not when I say that I often will make a can of Campbells soup (the chicken noodle is still my favorite....better than homemade....) and will find myself too tired to eat it. 

I nap every day at 3, if I can. 

And then my favorite part of the day comes. 

T gets home from work around 4:30. She takes off her school clothes and slides under the covers with me, gently waking me up. Slowly, slowly, I come up from my deep ocean of dreams. 

And into her arms. As I rejoin the land of living, she gently helps me by telling me about her day. How this kid, the one who drives her nuts? Well, he brought her some wildflowers today that he picked on the way to school. And that group of rowdy boys? They came to her room and asked her if they could eat lunch with her. She said, okay...just this once. But, they had such a great discussion that she just might let them make a habit of it. Besides, they actually behaved in afternoon class that day. And that one girl? The one who has no friends? It looks as if she may have made a friend. She wasn't alone at a breakfast table this morning. 

I slowly come awake. The light in the bedroom is waning. The sun, so bright at the end of my bed at 3, is now across the room and the room is hazier, softer. Like a Monet.

We discuss dinner or the lack of it. Some days I can eat, other days no. I get weird cravings if I haven't just had chemo.

Corn dogs. 
Bologna sandwiches. 
Cream of chicken soup. 
Cottage cheese.

If I have a craving, we track it down. Sonic has good corn dogs. The best bologna can be bought at Fareway.

Many times, I just want a yogurt or a piece of peanut butter toast. Then, T finds something for herself in the cupboard or we drive to Whole Foods and get her a boxed dinner. Many times we go to Panera and split a dinner. I eat the soup. She eats the sandwich. 

Sometimes we have to get take out if I feel too shaky to go inside. 

And then, after dinner, we go to the park. T walks off her day. I sit on a bench and watch the ducks. After her walk, we watch the sun set. 

We go home and if I feel strong enough, we watch an episode of Mindhunter, Unbelievable, or something like Chopped or Home Town.  Soon, all the new shows will be back on. I don't think I have the stamina to watch most of them, but....maybe. And good lord, anything can be taped for later now. 

Then, it is time for me to go to bed. Sometimes, it isn't quite dark yet. I try hard to make the sun go to bed first. It's a bone of contention with me. 

After a shower, I fall into bed and T sits next to me. We love talk. You aren't interested in the details. They are just for us, so move along. 

We say goodnight and my last vision of her is of her standing in the doorway, the hall light silhouetting her. She blows me a kiss. 

The best part of my day? Starts the minute she gets home.